I Had a Crush on Him + He Had a Crush on Me
BY INDIE NIA
I Had a Crush on Him
Imagination stains Reality
For it forgets to follow the beat of my hummingbird heart
And deliver you with smiling eyes and blush-flawed cheeks,
Open arms and prayer-stained lips.
When you hold me, I am consumed—
Your cologne the sweetest form of chloroform
The canon of your heart against my prying ear
The kiss below the eyes, barred from shedding a tear.
My smile unsweetens when daylight is Reality’s call
And my imagination is proved imagination once more
I send you a kiss that you will never receive
Until Reality realizes that you are mine to give.
He Had a Crush on Me
Please.
Forgive me for hurting you—
For hurting you and hurting me too.
Your friendship meant the world to me,
means the world to me,
but you won’t allow me to just be your friend when, to you,
I am so much more than that.
Please.
Forgive me for making you love me—
Accidentally making you fall in love with me
Especially at a time when I despised the face
that glared back from the mirror pane.
A face that you celebrated as I celebrated his,
I forgot and invalidated your feelings—
When I thought that I was sparing you from a broken me.
Please.
Forgive me for not trusting you—
For remembering what you later said were lies:
of half-naked girls
And parties where you had a little too much fun.
Your charming flirtatious smile made my cold-stone heart liquid
for one beautiful, carefree second
Until I remembered once again
and again
your stories and my brain-made illustrations
and I immediately untrust.
So even when you were sincere,
When you tried your best to make me yours,
Be the Romeo to my Juliet,
I became Rosaline,
and even your saint-seducing gold was ground to worthless dust.
About the Author
Indie Nia is a twelfth grader who loves the feel of paperbacks, the sound of Fridays after school bell, the taste of leftover Sweet Chili Doritos on her fingers, the smell of freshly baked bread, the sight of effortless stories being created by her mind’s eye, and the gorgeous feeling of intentionality misspelt Happyness. Find India Nia on Twitter: @IChoseHappyness
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